Day 14: "I want it"

"I want it"


Yesterday as part of my course I had an introductory class in Drama Therapy. One of the exercises we did was to partner up with a fellow classmate and improvise. One of us could only say: "I want it", whilst the other could only say: "You can't have it". We did this exercise several times over with some variations but the gist of it  was always, one person wanting something and the other denying them it. I didn't have any particular problem playing this game until we got to the final part. The lecturer told us to sit facing our partner and this time actually voice out what we really wanted in real life and for our partner to neutrally but sincerely reply: "You will have it". When it came to my turn, I started off by saying "I want to finish my Masters and get a distinction..." and tears started forming in my eyes as I said "I want to be cured, to stop having to go to the hospital and just be normal and well again". I then had to stop myself as I could feel a wave of sadness washing over me. I don't know why I became so emotional, I guess that's why drama therapy works! You think you're innocently playing improvisation games but in reality you're accessing your unconscious. I think that deep down, it really hit home for me that I want something i.e. to be cured, yet life is denying me it.

I often see on Facebook a post that keeps going round about Cancer. It goes something like: "All of us have a thousand wishes. A Cancer patient only has one wish, to be cured..." (I'm paraphrasing but that's basically it!) But I think this is true for anyone with an illness/disease. It is so important to remind people that because of how rare Cushing's is, we don't have as much support from the medical and general community as other common diseases such as Cancer. So please, remember that we want to be cured just like every one else who is sick. We did not choose to be this way by eating too much or being lazy. Cushing's is serious and it kills. By helping raise awareness and being there for people like me who need your love and support, you can be that partner that says: "You will have it".

Day 13: Luck be a lady tonight

Luck be a lady tonight


It's Friday the 13th! For some people today can either be lucky or unlucky and for others it's just another day. When you really think about it, isn't the concept of "luck" interesting? If you win the lottery, you are a lucky person because the odds of winning are anything from 1 in 114 million to 1 in 600 million. Yet I have Cushing's disease which carries 4 in 1 million odds and some would consider me unlucky because of it. But I could just have easily have been born with a chromosomal disorder as these affect 7 in every 1000 infants! Am I really unlucky because of Cushing's or should I instead think that I am lucky because I was blessed with so many other wonderful things which have helped me cope with it? I was fortunate enough to be born in a good family, brought up by two parents who love me, have all my arms and legs and my 5 senses function properly. I have never experienced war, torture, starvation or political oppression. All in all I reckon I am pretty lucky!

It's funny because today my washing machine suddenly stopped working. I panicked at first because I thought it was broken but it turned out it I only needed to reset the fuse box. Yesterday my water heater was acting up but it worked fine after switching it off and on again at the mains. I'm sure many of you have experienced internet or cable/satellite tv problems and when you call technical support the first thing they ask you is "Have you tried switching it off and on again?". So many things in our lives can be fixed by a simple "reset". This got me thinking, what if you could "reset" your life? Imagine if when something started malfunctioning you could switch it off and on again? Reboot it in a way. Wouldn't that be amazing? I started thinking back on my life, trying to figure out at which point I would have attempted to reboot. When I first started gaining weight and being depressed? When I was bullied in high school? When I wet the bed when I was 8 years old? I started to realise that if there was such a thing as a reset button, I would probably be pushing it all the time. But then I really thought about it some more and took into consideration my thoughts about luck and odds. What if you were given a reset button but by pushing it, you brought all the "counters" back to zero therefore it's as if the dice of fate were thrown again. What I mean by this is that you would run the risk of "tempting fate". In this lifetime I was blessed with a beautiful smile, a good sense of humour, a caring personality and Cushing's disease, what's to say that if I press the reset button I don't get stuck with a big ugly nose and a low IQ? What I'm trying to get at is that although your life might not always seem great, think about the million other ways it could be worse and you're sure to feel better about it! :)

The truth is, I'm not sure I really believe in luck, fate, etc... Some things are predetermined by genetics, others are outside of your control, and some you have complete control over. Everything works together to create the wonderful and interesting life that you lead. Sure, I could have not had Cushing's, but then I might not have turned into the person I am today. Perhaps if I didn't have Cushing's I might have had some other terrible disease. Who knows?
The fact of the matter is that many things in life are random but what isn't is how we choose to deal with them. As human beings we have ultimate freedom and never ending choice. So I choose life, love and happiness!

Day 12: A picture is worth a thousand words...

A picture is worth a thousand words...


When I signed up for this challenge I seriously underestimated how hard it would be to come up with topics for every post! I just got back from holiday and have tons of uni work to get on with. So I've decided that instead of trying to write too much, I would simply post some of my holiday pics.
These were taken in Singapore and Malaysia.