So in Part 2, I left you when my mum finally returned home and I was left to deal with the recovery alone.
I experienced a deep sense of loneliness and a part of me was scared. Scared about whether I'd be able cope, scared about what to do if anything should happen to me, but mostly scared about whether the depression would return. After all, I wasn't sure if all of the depression I experienced before was due to the Cushing's or if some of it was because of an unhappiness with my life.
Luckily there was only about 10days of being alone before I went away on holiday to visit my family in Morocco and France, but it turns out I didn't need to be scared! Of course there were times when I felt a bit lonely and sad, but these feelings didn't last very long and most of all, they were appropriate for the situation. For example, I would feel a bit lonely in the evenings when it was cold and I was having dinner alone. But I would be able to sit with the feeling and then move on, something I hadn't been able to do until then. Before the surgery, I would experience bouts of depression and not understand why! They would happen at the most random of times and I wouldn't be able to control them or even how long they would last. It therefore became very clear to me that all of those times before, I had simply been experiencing hormone driven mood changes which had practically nothing to do with my life...
