Hopefully some of you watched the videos I posted from the US. I only ended up making 2 which is obviously not very impressive and they were very short but turns out I am much more camera shy than I thought! I was also having so much fun and was just so busy that I thought "I'm sure my blog followers will understand"...
I got back from the US on Sunday the 23rd after nearly 3 weeks of sightseeing, connecting with friends and enjoying life! I really didn't want to come back. I mean, I missed my place and was starting to get a bit tired of living out of a suitcase but I have to admit, it was nice just being carefree and enjoying myself. Now that I'm back, it's back to reality and it's not easy....
But I want to focus on the positives right now. One of the biggest things that Cushing's takes from you is your self-confidence/self-esteem. Many people underestimate how important it is to your daily functioning. After all, how are you suppose to interact with those around you and lead a fulfilling life if you feel like you aren't worthy of anyone's time?
Since suffering from Cushing's, I have spent years in isolation because of complete self-hatred. The depression and mood swings didn't help but mainly I just wasn't the same. I couldn't stand being with others, I hated my own reflection, and most of all I was angry and upset with myself for everything that was happening to me. But I think since receiving my diagnosis in 2009 and realising that I couldn't control my hormones, I have taken comfort in knowing I wasn't to blame and that there is hope for me.
I have been working since then on rebuilding my confidence and trying to get back to "being me". I am slowly beginning to accept that perhaps I will never physically get back to the way I looked before, but that doesn't mean I can't be the same person inside and still be content with how I look on the outside. So for the past few years I have been working hard on loving myself for who I am and remembering that I am a positive and happy person. I've also been trying to stop my negative inner voice from interfering with my social life. And in the last few months I've really come a long way.
I am so proud to say that I have made a lot of progress. I've been pushing myself to meet new people, participate in social gatherings and the feedback I've been getting has been great. My friends and family are noticing my new attitude and have been very supportive. It feels good... I'm happy that I'm able to genuinely smile again.
There are days that I still struggle and I often feel like it's one step forward, two steps back, but when I think of all I've been through and how far I've already come, I'm pretty damn proud if I may say so...
I'm finally beginning to appreciate my own value, which isn't determined by my dress size or how popular I am with the opposite sex. I am ME and I am beautiful in many ways and so are you!
No comments:
Post a Comment