EHarmonyDatingMatch.com

Yesterday a friend of mine told me that she had joined a dating site. Disappointed by the lack of men she meets through her normal activities, she signed up to one of the more popular sites that offer "real matchmaking". She began to tell me however that after the initial excitement had worn off, she was worried that her ideal partner would always just be a figment of her imagination and that no such man really existed. After she told me her exact criteria I did think that she was being a bit picky, but the truth is, she has every right to be! After all, we've always been told to aim high so why settle for less when it comes to love?

So I started considering that perhaps I was ready to start dating again. I haven't been on a real date in a couple of years now and haven't been in a serious relationship in 6yrs!!! So I started filling out a couple of profiles (if I'm gonna give it a go I may as well go for it properly and really put myself out there!).
Now I know that some people are against Internet dating, and everyone has heard a horror story or two, but I think as long as you make sure to meet in a public place and inform someone you trust where you're going so they can check up on you then you should be fine. After all, we meet strangers all the time and just because we've seen them in person first, doesn't mean they aren't hiding a dark secret! And my cousin is living proof that Internet dating can work for some people. He met his current wife/the mother of his twin daughters through the Internet!!!

So here I am, trying a couple of different sites: A regular dating site, one for Big Beautiful Women (BBWs as they are known) and one for Christians.
Like I said, I may as well give it a proper go...

After filling them all out, posting a photo etc... I start to browse through other people's profiles and I have to say, It's not exactly a Calvin Klein catalogue, but there are some pretty good candidates. Some decent looking but most importantly interesting sounding guys out there.

So after sending out a couple of winks/waves/kisses, I start browsing through the discussion board section of the Christian dating site and find a thread that I probably shouldn't have looked at.
Under the section: "Agony without the Aunt", someone had started a topic called:

Please, don't judge a book by its cover....

This woman was basically saying that she had been on this website for 3yrs on and off and tried several different approaches. Some profiles she stated that she had a health condition, whilst in others she didn't and she noticed that she almost never got responses when people were aware that she had MS.
I began reading the replies people had posted and it appeared that others had had similar experiences of discrimination, either because of their children, or their health. I quickly remembered that on my profile, in response to the question, When did you feel most alive? I wrote:

The time I've felt most alive is when I almost died! Don't worry, this is not a morbid story, but basically I've been suffering from a rare condition which was only diagnosed in 2009 and I had to undergo neurosurgery in 2010 to remove a tumour in my brain. I took the opportunity to announce it to all my friends and family, raise money for charity, and start a blog. I received so many messages of support and prayer and also raised a lot of money. I have never felt more proud and strong!

It had never occurred to me that people might be put off by the fact that I had health issues!!! I guess this shows how naive I can be sometimes.... In my mind, the fact that I have been through all this and came out the other end alive and kicking is a testament to my strong determination and spirit and surely that's a quality right? So I jokingly posted:

Hi, just jumping onto this post because I'm on a free trial which I started today and made the mistake of writing on my profile that I have a rare condition and had neurosurgery to remove a brain tumour last year! OOPS!!! LOL
Maybe I won't be getting any messages!? What a waste of a free trial!! Oh well....
To be honest, if even Christians don't find it in there heart to not judge a book by its cover then what hope do we have?
Personally I think it's better to put it out there that way you weed out the weak and only the quality people remain :)

The truth is, even though the post was written in a joking manner, the point I was making was far from being a joke. I really do believe that if someone is put off by something like that then they are too easily scared and that type of guy isn't for me. I know for a fact that I have many great qualities and I refuse to let my illness hold me back! It has already done so for too long.
I also refuse to pretend like it didn't happen. Some people suggested to the originator of the post not to mention it until the guys had gotten to know her. Although I can see where they are coming from with that advice, I can't help but feel like ultimately it will cause even more pain.

One of the most frequent things you hear about Internet dating is: Well he said he was tall but he was only 5'5 OR He said he was single when he's in fact divorced with a kid, etc... People hate being lied to!!!
Sure, hiding certain "undesirable" facts about yourself might get you more first dates, but inevitably, they will not go much further than that because some things can be deal breakers for certain people.

But I think the big question is this:

Who decides what is or isn't an "undesirable" fact?

I never even considered hiding the fact that I had a rare condition because I'm not ashamed of it and why should I be. If anything I'm simply ashamed of the fact that I'm not as cute as I used to be and that I still have a lot of weight to lose before I'm a "normal" size again. But why should I lie about that? In the body type section I answer: Fuller Figured/More to love. I'm not gonna put slim am I? Because if the guy is judgemental about size then the only thing that'll happen is that when we finally meet he'll probably not be attracted to me. Why on earth would I want to set myself up for that type of rejection?

So really, we are the ones who have decided what we think are undesirable facts. Or perhaps we're letting society dictate it but either way, I think people should be less afraid to be honest and open about who and what they are. Show yourself, warts and all! I may not have the body of a supermodel but I know there's more to me than how I look. I want to meet someone who will love ALL of me and with whom I can imagine growing old with. Looks fade, only relationships based on true friendship, respect, honesty and some chemistry survive.

Sure we all have criteria, in fact, I mocked my friend about hers but my list of requirement is pretty long too but the way I see it, because my list is mostly made up of values and qualities, it gives everyone a fighting chance! I mean, is it really too much to ask for honesty, loyalty, ambition, and kindness? OK so I would also like him to be over 5'10 but it's not a deal breaker

What I really want to say is that, Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. But this saying doesn't apply to beauty alone, what I mean is that something that some people might not consider great, can be just what someone else wants. But ultimately you have to love that thing about you yourself first! Sorry that phrase was very badly worded!!!
What I mean to say is that, you have to love yourself, even the bits that you think are undesirable because only once you learn to love and accept them will someone else be able to...