Through grief comes growth
I am currently attending a workshop at my University on grief therapy for traumatic deaths. For those of you who do not know what that is, a traumatic death is one that occurs suddenly or unexpectedly e.g. car accident, suicide, homicide, etc...
Though I am fortunate enough to not have experienced much death in my life so far the process of grieving for a lost loved one is a bit like grieving for the loss of the "healthy self". When you become ill even if you have a chance of recovery, you have to learn to deal with the loss of some aspects of your previous life. In my case for example, I have to accept that I will never be able to wear a bikini again. Even if I manage to lose enough weight to find one that fits, the idea of bearing my stretch mark covered body just doesn't appeal. The truth is, it used to bother me a lot, and some days it still does (especially when I see photos of slender and beautiful models at the beach) but really there's so much more to life and at the end of the day, I don't really care anymore!
Something interesting the lecturer said today which is very true is that "Through grief comes growth". As he reminded us, usually when everything is going well in our lives we just plod along and leave things as they are. If it ain't broke, don't fix it, right? But when something happens, like someone we love dies, or a part of us dies, we are forced to re-examine our life. Some people even suffer an existential crisis i.e. search for meaning in their lives. Through this search, grief and re-examining, we can learn to grow. I have certainly grown a lot through the adversities in my life.
So I invite you now to think back on the major changes in your life, the times when you feel you grew and matured the most. Was it when everything was fine or when you were super happy? Or was it when life kicked you in the nuts?
If you're brave enough, feel free to share in the comments section and we can share our experiences.
I hope you'll be able to look back on the hard times and rather than feel sad or regretful, be grateful and appreciative of the fact that you made it through and are now on the other side.
And if like me you're not quite out of the woods yet and are struggling with the fight, look back so that you remind yourself that you've faced adversity before and you are strong enough to face it again!
Dear Steph,
ReplyDeleteI have a few things from you post that I can well relate to...
firstly, the weight issue ... my weight goes up and down all the time due to unresolved eating disorder issues ... due to the problem itself, I have a very bad relationship with my body, which is probably something you may not relate to, but I do suffer greatly from weight gain, even if it is "just" 10 kg, but for me it is just like 20 or 50.
secondly, the marks that may never go away ... this is super relevant issue. stretches are, however, not what my problem is. I had an acute psychotic episode, when I cut my hand right from the wrist to the elbow. It needed about 24 stiches. It is about 2 months old. It has not healed yet and it hurts like hell when I touch it but what bothers me much more is that it is soooooo visible. my other arm is covered in small scars all over in the same place, so thinking it was perhaps a car accident is not likely. It does seem like self-harm. And I do not quile like other people thinking I am mad. It´s not about the close ones but those I meet in tube, etc. I know those should not matter but when others obviously look at it all the time, it matters... I said I will come to terms with it, some will not be so obvious with time... But the big one will obviously not. What do I do? I have been thinking about tattooing over it. I have one tattoo on my back, very nice but very secret not many people see it and that is what makes it nice. That is one of the drawbacks - I and others would see it everyday and tattoo is another thing that is judged.
finally, I am very lucky not to have much experience with death in my life either. However, as is obvious from above, I have been through hard time me. I have also had my mum and myself almost killed by suicide. That was hard. Both. And you are hell right that those were the times that make me praise life much more. And my own health problems are what makes me grow mentally. It is quite sad that happy times do not do that but it is also quite understandable.
Evelina